"when you cut into the present the future leaks out" - william s. burroughs
When Jan brought the drink I drank it straight down.
"Chinaski, you haven't been pulling your weight for a month and you know it."
"Stop the shit, will you?"
"You haven't been busting your ass, Chinaski."
She went into the bathroom and started getting ready. She was sore. "You and I have lost it. It isn't like it was at the beginning." She fell flat on the floor and screamed.
I mixed myself another drink and didn't answer. Jan stepped out of the bathroom and looked at me.
"Chinaski, are you all right?"
"Yes."
"You don't love me anymore."
"I've given you my time. It's all I've got to give - it's all any man has. And for a pitiful buck and a quarter an hour."
"All right, Chinaski."
"If anybody has lost anything on this deal, this arrangement… I've been the loser. Do you understand?"
We looked at each other and didn't like what we saw. A chill convulsed my body, shaking me; then there was a rush of warmth, my neck and ears burned, my face reddened. There was no light and as the elevator climbed slowly I'd watch in the dark for white numbers written on the bare walls - 3, 7, 9, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, car payments, baseball scores, haircuts, vacations, enemas, family visits. I could see horses at the gate.
"8! It's the 8 horse!"
I got all the money together and spread it out on the kitchen table. There was $312 and some change. I gave Jan the car key and $150.
"Hank, stay with me."
"No, horseplayer." I drained my whiskey, got up, and made myself another. I had a pint. Then I had another pint, and another. My name was called. I shuddered at the thought of all that garbage.
When Jan brought the drink I drank it straight down.
"Chinaski, you haven't been pulling your weight for a month and you know it."
"Stop the shit, will you?"
"You haven't been busting your ass, Chinaski."
She went into the bathroom and started getting ready. She was sore. "You and I have lost it. It isn't like it was at the beginning." She fell flat on the floor and screamed.
I mixed myself another drink and didn't answer. Jan stepped out of the bathroom and looked at me.
"Chinaski, are you all right?"
"Yes."
"You don't love me anymore."
"I've given you my time. It's all I've got to give - it's all any man has. And for a pitiful buck and a quarter an hour."
"All right, Chinaski."
"If anybody has lost anything on this deal, this arrangement… I've been the loser. Do you understand?"
We looked at each other and didn't like what we saw. A chill convulsed my body, shaking me; then there was a rush of warmth, my neck and ears burned, my face reddened. There was no light and as the elevator climbed slowly I'd watch in the dark for white numbers written on the bare walls - 3, 7, 9, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, car payments, baseball scores, haircuts, vacations, enemas, family visits. I could see horses at the gate.
"8! It's the 8 horse!"
I got all the money together and spread it out on the kitchen table. There was $312 and some change. I gave Jan the car key and $150.
"Hank, stay with me."
"No, horseplayer." I drained my whiskey, got up, and made myself another. I had a pint. Then I had another pint, and another. My name was called. I shuddered at the thought of all that garbage.
