A Penis Short Story

pig ear press

Over 500 posts
I read the story. English isn't your first langauage, is it?

For those of you who may consider reading this, let me save you the time:

Man decides to get penis removed due to infidelity>Man gets penis removed>girlfriend reveals punchline that as he no longer has a penis she is going to sleep with other men.

The Nose was a fantastic and original story by the Russian writer Nikolai Gogol. It revolves around a self-important Russian who wakes up one day to find that his nose has left his face to make its own way in the world. The story was then re-worked by Hanif Kureishi as 'The Penis', in his short story collection "Midnight all day". Not as good as the story it is based on, but none-the-less an amusing tale of a porn star's penis going off in search of his own career. Either of these two stories will cheer you up; unfortunately, the story linked to here will more likely lead you to questioning why people search out forums to show off their badly written crap, which leaves you more depressed than you were five minutes ago.

I didn't watch the video for fear it'll alert security into thinking I'm watching porn at work- I want to at least get some kicks if I'm going to get kicked out.

I like milk, so I'm off to post my stories on a milk forum.
 
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d gray

tried to do his best but could not
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Over 1000 posts
if you think the video was crappy...
 
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Dear Bukaroo thanks for the summary of the story. Anyway i think you're just a frustrated guy,unfortunately very common on this kind of forum
 

hoochmonkey9

Art should be its own hammer.
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Dear Bukaroo thanks for the summary of the story. Anyway i think you're just a frustrated guy,unfortunately very common on this kind of forum
if by "frustrated" you mean people that think that story wasn't very good, I think you'll find that 99.9% of people are "frustrated." and not just the one's on forums like this.
 
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Dear Monkey i accept all the critics without problems, i just don't accept the people who criticize just for taste of doing it. By the way a lot of people liked the story
 

mjp

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i think you're just a frustrated guy,unfortunately very common on this kind of forum
Almost as common as really, really bad "writers" endlessly promoting their bland shit.

Almost common enough to warrant a new species of fauna.

Note to the world at large and writers and creative geniuses everywhere: DO NOT POST YOUR SHIT HERE if you are going to get your panties all bunched up whenever people say that they think your shit stinks.

Y'hear?

Just don't do it.
 

pig ear press

Over 500 posts
Why shouldn't you wear Ukranian underpants?

Because Chernobyl Fallout

See, you don't need to write a half-arsed story to deliver a punchline. Plus, you could at least make the punchline funny.
 

hoochmonkey9

Art should be its own hammer.
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not to belabour the point, and no offence to all the cats out there, but you have to stop being a pussy and get thicker skin if you want to be a writer.

I do not consider myself a macho he-man by any stretch of the imagination, but I can take negativity about my writing.

and I have visual aids! these pics are about four years old, so things have changed a bit and don't include email submissions or things that were solicited from me...

here's a pic of my acceptance letters:

PICT0014.JPG



and here's a pic of my rejection letters:

PICT0001.JPG


and you don't see me lashing out like a spoiled kid that doesn't get his way. I get discouraged, but I don't flop on the floor and blame society. or forums like these.

grow a set.
 

d gray

tried to do his best but could not
Founding member
Over 1000 posts
...i accept all the critics without problems, i just don't accept the people who criticize just for taste of doing it. By the way a lot of people liked the story
you mean just don't accept critics who criticize your shit. got it.

ps - friends and family don't count.

pss - hoochmonkey's submission/rejection pics are great. that's the sign of someone who's
serious and know's what's involved in even having a chance to get somewhere in the
art world. I've been dealing with it since i was barely a teen and rejection is crushing
but you have to have an "i'll show them" mentality.

even if you're wrong.
 
You're just a bunch of nerds and losers that's what i think. I really believe that your life is pretty unfortunate...

You only have the balls to insult me here, probably in real life i would kick your ass...
 

hoochmonkey9

Art should be its own hammer.
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man, eagle eyes....

not a great story, really. it was a contest (Bukowski related) that I won. happy to have won it, but it won't make my resume.

I've linked to it before here, but I'll link to it again. for historical purposes. heh.
 

mjp

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You only have the balls to insult me here, probably in real life i would kick your ass...
I'll insult you in real life! You scoundrel! You filthy boot licker! I can't wait to see your face and inhale the stink of your olive oil breath, knowing that it means I'm close enough to cut your balls off with a straight razor and feed them to a stray cat or Armenian.

Only problem is, I rarely get to go to the more backward countries in the world, so I don't think I'll be in Italy any time soon. Darn!

I'll meet you in Qatar though. I'm going there to buy some Italian kidneys to sell on the U.S. black market. I have to bring them through Qatar because Americans won't buy them if they know they come from Italians. Something about genetic weaknesses, I don't know, I just take their money.

Then I'll fuck your mother.
 

hoochmonkey9

Art should be its own hammer.
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he might be in the Popemobile, though. it's bulletproof. and probably straight razor-proof.

but, good news, he probably doesn't let his mom ride in the Popemobile (I wouldn't. who would?) so she's ripe for the plucking. so go ahead and hit that.
 

number6horse

okyoutwopixiesoutyougo
Over 1000 posts
C'mon titass writer - How fucking new to the INTERNET are you ? You know you shouldn't just come charging in to a brand new (to you) forum and start pimping your stuff. Nobody likes that. We're not too picky on social decorum around here concerning language and imagery, but basic manners and a certain restraint on hustling one's art to an unwilling crowd is requested. Otherwise, buy a domain name and hustle away.
 
Hey guys i am very happy because this is look like a real Bukowski situation. I wish we could be together drinking beer and start fucking brawl.... Come on do you want to fight? I am here pussy
 

whatsayjew

Over 100 posts
and start fucking brawl
Not to be rude, but your lack of grammar makes you sound like a faggot. Are you sure your story about a penis and possible homo-linguistic slip ups aren't somehow intended? It almost reads as if your queer side is trying to escape, yet you usher him back into his corner and as a result obtain an erection.
 

mjp

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I hope you are sending copies of these videos to the Pulitzer folks. They are going to need your address. You know, to send the prize.
I wish we could be together drinking beer and start fucking...
No wonder Italy is going down the toilet. Their tough guys just want to fuck each other.

"Giovanni, I have been working here this interminable job for almost two hours! Please, let's go to lunch, shall we?"
"Yes! It is time to take a five hour break now. We will together drink beer and start fucking!"
"Meraviglioso!"

In America the men are men, and they wait until after work to start fucking each other. You would never make it here, my friend.
 

Erik

If u don't know the poetry u don't know Bukowski
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Good laughs in this thread.
Many thanks.
The Popemobile?:D
 
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