Thanks for posting both of those. I really think that the revised is much better. Small changes like IGNORANCE for UNKNOWLEDGE is perfect. I'm not sure if it was John Martin or Buk that made these changes, but I think that it makes the poem read better. Any other opinions?
I would agree that something like replacing "unknowledge" improves the flow, considering that "unknowledge" is clunky, and not even a word, but other changes have struck me as trivial and unnecessary. Changing the name of an artist, changing cockroaches to spiders in panasonic - those kind of things always left me scratching my head and wondering who made them, Bukowski or Martin.
You would be in a better position to say who made the change in the piece that you published, Bill. How did it come to you? Did you ask for permission for that title specifically, or? Since it was not part of a Black Sparrow collection I would assume it is more likely a Martin change than a Bukowski change. But it could have been planned for use in a collection - who knows. Only Martin would know who made what changes now (until the Black Sparrow archives become available to view, if they ever do).
Sometimes though, you see changes that are very uncharacteristic of Bukowski, and I think it's safe to assume that those were made by Martin. The roaches/spiders of panasonic always come to mind. I can't imagine Bukowski would make that change. It makes no sense from his "myth-building" perspective.