it was a very mild satire about Weissner calling Bukowski and using chliche-like "American Slang" while talking to Bukowski on the phone. The whole scene is not in the German translation.
Then, the phone rang. It was long distance. It was my agent and translator from Germany, Karl Vossner. Karl loved to talk the way he thought hip Americans talked.
“Hey, motherfucker, how ya doin’?”
“All right, Karl, you still riding your joystick?”
“Yeah, my ceiling is riddled with flakes of dry sperm.”
“Thanks, baby. I learn all the good things from you. But, baby, I got good news. You wanna hear, motherfucker?”
“Oh, yeah, yeah, baby!”
“Well, besides whistling ‘Dixie’ out of my asshole, I’ve translated 3 of your books: poems, The Lice of Doom; short stories, Cesspool Dreams; and your novel, Central Station Arson.”
“I owe you my left ball, Karl.”
“O.K., send it airmail. But, baby, there’s more...”
“Tell me, tell me...”
“Well, we had a book fair here last month and I met with the 6 biggest publishers in Germany and let me tell you, they are hot for your body!”
“Your body of work, you know. Dig?”
“I dig, baby.”
“I got these 6 big publishers in a hotel room, I laid out the beer and the wine and the cheese and the nuts. Then I told them it would be open bidding for the advance on the 3 books. They just laughed and got into the booze. I had those assholes playing right into our hand. You are a hot number and they know it. I told a few jokes to get them loose, then the bidding started. Well, to get to the shorthairs, Krumph made the largest bid. I had the motherfucker sign a contract. Then we all hung one on together. All us assholes got stinko, Krumph especially. So, we scored. We’re in like Flynn!”
“You’re one cool dude, Karl. What’s my cut?”
“Baby, it should amount to around 35 grand. I’ll wire it to you within a week.”
“Man oh man, that’s really rowdy!”
“It beats blowing glass, motherfucker.”
“And how, baby. Hey, Karl, ever heard this one?
What’s the difference between a chicken’s asshole and a rabbit’s asshole?”
“‘No, what’s the difference?”
“Ask little Dick.”
“I got it! Far out!”
With that, our conversation was over. Within an hour I was 45 thousand dollars richer. 30 years of starvation and rejection were starting to kick in.