Facebook cracks me up, and Henry Baum burns with the intensity of a poorly crafted wax statue (1 Viewer)

mjp

Founding member
This is so funny. "If I had the time or the inclination I would set up an IM board to compete with them."

An IM board? Hey, welcome to 1996. You've got mail!

douchebags.png
Tear it up, gents!

I look forward to seeing the competing IM boards full of dainty bitches patting each other on their sensitive backs, reminiscing about the letters they sent to Bukowski in 1986. Letters he groaned at when he saw them in the stack of mail, and that he resented having to answer.

But I love the way they console each other. It's heartworming. Gah, I mean, heartwarming.

A note to anyone still reading; everyone is welcome to run with this pack. If you are weak, slow or stupid and get dropped, simply look in the mirror for the reason. We can't stop, pick you up and teach you to run. Show some dignity for christ's sake. When you complain like this you just look like a jilted lover.

But for the record, I still love Rodger and Henry. I don't know who Steven Reynolds is, but I love him too.
 

justine

stop the penistry
everyone is welcome to run with this pack. If you are weak, slow or stupid and get dropped, simply look in the mirror for the reason. We can't stop, pick you up and teach you to run. Show some dignity for christ's sake. When you complain like this you just look like a jilted lover.

can we get this in enormous lettering on the front page?
 

jordan

lothario speedwagon
of course rodger "every other post i make must link to some dumb article i wrote" jacobs sympathizes with mr. baum. the thing that cracks me up about the line "they resent promotion unless it's their own shit they're peddling" (and the hundreds like it that we've heard from various people over the years) is that people for some reason think that the forum *should* exist for their own self promotion. i don't resent promotion, but i find it annoying, especially when someone comes here with the sole goal of promoting their work, and not engaging the subject matter of the forum or the people in the community at all. i'm so sorry buk.net couldn't help mr. baum carry out his new year's resolution of promoting his book. he clearly was interested in talking about bukowski and joining a community of bukowski lovers from the start, right? no, he just made a new year's resolution to promote his shit, and he saw this as one way of doing it. and people are supposed to feel sorry for this guy?

the reason that the people on this forum support and encourage long-time posters promoting their creative interests is that THIS IS AN ONLINE COMMUNITY, NOT CRAIGSLIST FOR SMALL PRESS AUTHORS. why is that so hard to understand? would you go up to a group of friends having a picnic in a public park and try to sell them food? "OMG those assholes from the park picnic are totally RESENTFUL about people promoting their food, unless of course it's the FOOD THEY BROUGHT WITH THEM!"
 

mjp

Founding member
the reason that the people on this forum support and encourage long-time posters promoting their creative interests is that THIS IS AN ONLINE COMMUNITY, NOT CRAIGSLIST FOR SMALL PRESS AUTHORS. why is that so hard to understand? would you go up to a group of friends having a picnic in a public park and try to sell them food? "OMG those assholes from the park picnic are totally RESENTFUL about people promoting their food, unless of course it's the FOOD THEY BROUGHT WITH THEM!"
Can I put this in enormous lettering on the front page?

---

Even funnier than Henry's Bukowskiesque Facebook whining is his music.

I know, you don't want to go listen. I don't blame you. You really shouldn't.

Just imagine a middle aged guy who lives in a dark house a little too close to the middle school playground, sitting in his bedroom "studio" creating masterpieces of dry, lifeless pseudo-emo angst that he figures will lure the kids into the garage better than the candy he's been offering. That's what it sounds like.

As always Henry, feel free to use my insightful critique in your promotional materials.
 

number6horse

okyoutwopixiesoutyougo
Couldn't help myself and I had to listen to the song "The Big City". For here is a man who has clearly taken on the challenge of a big city and lived to tell about it ! (I merely get by in a one-stoplight backwater burg called Chicago and need to hear of adventures like these.) Apparently, the city - The Big City - let him down in some way and DISAPPOINTED him. I did not see this coming ! Wha ? The narrator walks into unfamiliar territory and finds it inhospitable ? Get out....

Also - the fucker ripped off Liz Phair's guitar sound overall and guitar hook in particular from "Dance Of The Seven Veils" on "Exile In Guyville". So yeah - there was a Chicago payoff of sorts....
 

hoochmonkey9

Art should be its own hammer.
Moderator
Founding member
#6, you are spot on the Liz Phair rip off. and if you notice in the first song, he rips off Explosions in the Sky, the second song, he rips off Alice in Chains, etc...

I think Henry is an extremely smart and well read 15 year old that listens to his hipster-mom's cd collection too much and will someday find his own voice... when he graduates high school and moves to Portland to work in a coffee shop. but then coffee will become his life and literature and music will take a backseat and grande will be his language for big and we all know what happens when you say grande when you mean big, right?...Mexican gay porn.

Henry, we expected more from you. your father and I thought maybe a gymnastics scholarship? we are cutting you off. maybe contact Rodger for money...he seems an active and creative fundraiser. PBS could use him.
 

Hosh

hoshomccreesh.com
can we get this in enormous lettering on the front page?

Or isn't there some fancy computer way to make this pop up as people are trying to sign up here...as a kind of fair-warning/harbinger/something wicked their way comes if they don't play nice?
 

jordan

lothario speedwagon
the warning just needs to tell people not to expect a warm reception if they are coming here with an agenda (promoting their book, music project, blog, etc., or looking for answers for a research paper, or whatever else). i can't think of that many recent flame-outs that we've had who genuinely registered to participate in discussions about bukowski. even the young ladies who joined to post pics of their tattoos and disappeared were fine - it's always the people who join with an agenda who end up being trouble. going back even further, look at thebicycletragedy - he didn't seem to have an agenda at first, but it became clear when he started posting about how bukowski wasn't that great of a writer that yes, he had an agenda to push and would become a flame-out.
 

mjp

Founding member
isn't there some fancy computer way to make this pop up as people are trying to sign up here...
There is. I don't want to scare anyone off though. There have been rare occasions where someone's agenda is actually something interesting.

I can't think of one offhand, but...
 

number6horse

okyoutwopixiesoutyougo
I can't think of one offhand, but...

Maybe the guy with the literary-themed T-shirts for sale ? He seemed genuine with his apology when told to stop the sales pitch. Even offered us a discount as I recall.

I liked Jordan's warning too. Maybe everyone should keep a copy/paste handy and just plug it into a reply when necessary.
Our version of "flashing gang signs" to mark our turf. But no one gets shot (ideally)
 

Johannes

Founding member
Although they are annoying, if all shilling assholes who come here to promote their "work" would be scared off from the beginning some of the funniest threads around here would be nonexistent :D
 

Bukfan

"The law is wrong; I am right"
Indeed, and soon he'll be nothing but ashes! I wish he would stop winking at me, though.
 
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