Forum fauna: The Detective

mjp

Founding member
The Detective is almost always seen as an additional, or "bonus," aspect of another species of forum fauna. Though it can apply to any species, it is usually seen alongside The Rebel, The Dissident or The Projectile.

The Detective is an obsessive type who goes to what they think are great lengths to find personal information about a forum regular. They then "expose" the personal details on the forum, expecting a tremendous, explosive reaction. That no reaction is ever forthcoming is usually due to the fact that the "top secret" information that The Detective has "uncovered" is already commonly known.

The primary method The Detective uses to dig up their tantalizing dirt is the reading of old forum posts. On a larger forum this can be a time consuming task, as there may be thousands of threads to wade through until The Detective finds their nugget of gold. The fact that the information is readily available and not even remotely "secret" never fails to deter The Detective, and usually adds a welcome level of comic relief to their efforts. One can imagine The Detective spending successive sleepless nights obsessively clicking and clicking, murmuring congratulations to themselves whenever they come across something they did not previously know.

Perhaps not surprisingly, The Detective actually knows how to mine very few on line sources of information. Outside of the forum itself, they mainly rely on Google. Without Google The Detective would be at a loss, but a large part of The Detective's charm is the fact that they believe they are the only person capable of really using Google to plumb the murky depths of the world wide web.

The Detective is not dangerous or even annoying in and of itself, and is primarily seen as the humorous diversion it is.
 

Bukfan

"The law is wrong; I am right"
And then there is the fauna type who spends his time attacking a certain person or forum on his website with "dirt" he's found through Google, sometimes accompanied by his own derogatory cartoons. Is he a variation of The Detective?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
B

BicycleTragedy

Nice, but not as good as the Projectile one. Still, I have to admit, finding out you played with -WITH, not IN- some great bands a million years ago was impressive, or it seemed so at 2 in the morning, while I was drunk.

But...not now.

It's OK. Here, you are always #1.
 
But your here Mr BicycleTragedy, so you must be impressed by something...
I mean for me, what mjp has provided, is pretty awesome.
I can't say I would have the wherewithal to provide this to people like you.
Thank you mjp, and happy 2010.
 
B

BicycleTragedy

Oh, you're absolutely right Strangegirl: this is an amazing sight, very much to mjp's credit, which I've noted publicy and privately to him several times. (These comments of mine of course go ignored.)

However, I no longer feel like suffering his smug, rude, condescending shit with a smile. At first it was offensive and hurtful; then I realized that there's no reason to be intimidated by him. He's just a guy, definitely articulate, definitely talented, probably good looking or at least was at some point. Unquestionably a daunting authority on Bukowski, which is why any of us are here to begin with.

Sadly, it goes to his head. That's where things go bad. And when someone doesn't kiss his ass, he shits on them. It's not profound errant human psychology, it's just basic human psychology. I'm sure he's extremely interesting in person. On these boards though, he's degenerated into a smug prick. Read his early posts from when he started the site. It's like a different person writing, as far as how he speaks to people.

So, until I'm either banned or receive an apology from him for insulting me without personal cause (I'm holding my breath on that one) I'm going to keep tripping him up. At first it was tough but after his unwarranted censorship job in another thread, as well as several other tendencies he has that I've noticed, it's becoming easier.

But yeah, this is a good site.
 

Gerard K H Love

Appreciate your friends
I want to hear about the "it's all about me" fauna. The guy who thinks everyone should be concerned about him.
 
B

BicycleTragedy

I know you are insulting me Gerard (I know, I know, I'm quick and self-obsessed) and that's cool ...but really, as far as the "it's all about me" fauna character that you mention is concerned, all of Phillips' little fauna blogs are pretty much about that kind of guy, just different aspects and facets thereof. He just keeps saying the same thing over and over (albeit with considerable wit and articulation, which is a nice touch) with different classification titles when he wants to insult someone on the forum. Lately that's me, which is flattering, but I'll either be banned soon or get bored and then it will be someone else.

The really funny thing is that he exhibits glaringly nearly every aspect of the archetype faunas he dissects and mitigates: the Detective, the Professor, the Rebel, et al.

Note that I say "funny," not ironic or interesting.

And it's really unfortunate how all you people -who appear to be quite bright otherwise- kiss his ass and jump to his defense lately. Honestly, I know he's good at what he does but Jesus, he's not Vlad the Impaler. He's not that tough. Look closely, some of you brighter ones like Gerard and Hoochmonkey, and you'll see fear and sweat in his writing and administrative tactics: and yet I assume you already have, as so many of you have started rallying to his aid lately, whereas before your defense of him was largely peripheral, opting instead to let him fight his own battles. Now, though, in proportion to how increasingly Phillips resembles Swiss cheese when he addresses me (directly and otherwise) some of you veterans seem a little more involved; one even called for my ban from the site.

Which is sweet.
 

jordan

lothario speedwagon
you're correct that i called for you to be banned, because i find you useless and annoying. you have no desire to talk about anything but yourself and your quixotic war against mjp. that you think you're taking him down while everyone else rallies to his defense is your own self-gratifying delusion. if you carried this bullshit on with anyone on the site, be it mjp or bill or gerard or ponder or whatever, i would still call for you to be banned, because as much as you'd like to dress it up in pretty clothes, you're a boring, generic internet troll.

it's well documented, however, that the mods don't listen to me (and indeed have had to delete some of my more inflammatory posts in the past), so i'm not anticipating your quick removal (which is to their credit, since i know i would make a terrible mod).

anyway, i await your painfully long response in which you prove my point to excess.
 
B

BicycleTragedy

you really do think that this is all about you.

That is funny!

Well here's the thing: no I don't, in that he writes these diatribes as tongue in cheek archetype analyses that could and do befit many many subgroups of forum members, and he has been doing this before I joined.

But also yes I do, inasmuch that his recent fauna posts have referenced several things specifically related to me as pertaining to exchanges on these boards, most of which I cannot reference because he has edited them significantly or deleted them prior to responding.

Make no mistake: I'd have been banned by now if he didn't enjoy this on some level. Many other previous posters who have fallen into ill favor with him are no longer allowed access. But I think this is amusing for him. Possibly challengiing, but that's hard to say at this point. I think at the very least he is entertained. However, he's also starting to show cracks. I think the censorship thing was a huge, huge mistake on his part. If you were familiar with that thread -the one where I offered to fly nervas to Griffith- prior to his "work" on it, you'll know it looked quite different originally, as far as his back and forth with me was concerned.

But it's OK, I know what he's doing, and better still, he knows I know. The rest of you are not really an issue. You've been here long before I have and you'll be here long after I'm gone.

Which I expect to be any day now.
 

jordan

lothario speedwagon
also, you should be aware that there are two mods who do most of the editing of threads to take out bitchy snipes after a day or two, since they (the snipes, not the mods) don't really add anything to the site (especially for a newcomer who is looking through old threads).

i don't know who edited those other threads, but my guess is that it wasn't mjp, since he's been content to let things fly that the other mods have chosen to get rid of. and that's probably to the site's benefit.
 
B

BicycleTragedy

anyway, i await your painfully long response in which you prove my point to excess.

Why do you people all have such an issue with long posts?

OK anyway here it is: I have no personal gripe or "war" with mjp as a person; I think he's intelligent, talented, and witty. My issue is only with how he has treated me on this site.

In contrast to what you think, I have great interest in this site. Unfortunately yes, it has lately been dilluted into a tug of war with Phillips, but this was never my intention and if you take the time and effort (which isn't much) to trace things back you will see that he has been the instigating aggressor. This refers primarily to the Morrissey tiff, but also to the earlier and somewhat less dynamic Kerouac debate however even his introductory post in my direction smakced of unwarranted condescension.

I don't mind that you think I'm a useless and generic troll; I appreciate your allegiance to the other mods and besides; I've somehow still garnered a great deal of your effort and attention, so I'm doing something that provokes your interest, albeit unintentionally.

Were I an illiterate pig, no one would pay me mind; any moron can challenge authority but it takes a special moron to do it right.

Still a moron though, because as the great John Melloncamp once lamented, "authority always wins."
 

jordan

lothario speedwagon
you're not challenging shit, you idiot.

the only reason i keep responding to you is that i'm really bad at "not feeding the trolls" - which my wife frequently reminds me about. i'm well aware that if i and everyone else just ignored you, you'd disappear, but unfortunately i have a short temper and end up speaking my mind, even when i know that doing that only feeds your insatiable hunger for attention.

woe is me, right? don't answer that.
 
B

BicycleTragedy

also, you should be aware that there are two mods who do most of the editing of threads to take out bitchy snipes after a day or two, since they (the snipes, not the mods) don't really add anything to the site (especially for a newcomer who is looking through old threads).

i don't know who edited those other threads, but my guess is that it wasn't mjp, since he's been content to let things fly that the other mods have chosen to get rid of. and that's probably to the site's benefit.
Well you could be right, but I don't know, and neither do you. I have a gut feeling it was mjp, as a great deal of his own words were changed or removed, almost as an afterthought, to look better on his end. I can't see another mod taking that liberty, but what do I know? Nothing.

By the way, it's OK if you want to keep coming at me, but I just want you to know, I think you're a good writer and I respect the fact that you are defending the site. I also realize I've annoyed you, and I wasn't trying to.

Not that you do or should give a fuck what I think, but I think it all the same.

you're not challenging shit, you idiot.

the only reason i keep responding to you is that i'm really bad at "not feeding the trolls" - which my wife frequently reminds me about.
Well, my boyfriend does too, yet here we both are, you and I.
 
A

awshucks

I hope that works out for the best.

If you know what I mean.

Oh, I do indeed! You want me to die! To die to die to die! You want me to hold my breath and die! Because I...stood up to His Former Prettiness? His face now beer bloated and the sadder half of the human life span warmly embracing him?

I am drunk. Drunk drunk drunk and I love it! The door, she is open!

I just had to come back. JUST ONE LAST TIME! To warm myself beneath the glare! To gloat! To smell my own shit! Whatever you like.

Oh, and it was SEVENTY five million to reunite The Smiths that Morrissey turned down, not the paltry FIVE million I'd reported previously.

OK, So SOMETIMES I AM WRONG.

Well, OK... bye for real now.

OK BYE for NOW.

Bye now, OK.

For real, OK?

Bye.

For now.

Bye.

Belch.

-bikey
 
P

pigmantoo

But your here Mr BicycleTragedy, so you must be impressed by something...
I mean for me, what mjp has provided, is pretty awesome.
I can't say I would have the wherewithal to provide this to people like you.
Thank you mjp, and happy 2010.
I think strangegirl wants to do mjp
 

mjp

Founding member
Haven't you been paying attention to anything the awshucks tragedy has been saying? You are all my followers! You are all under the rule of my iron fist but you are too weak to break free and say what you really want to say! Brutal regime! Totalitarian gulag! You are all my prisoners and puppets.

Hmm, I can't put my finger on it, but I could swear that I have I heard that before...
 

Gerard K H Love

Appreciate your friends
So, from what I've read so far, it is all about quite a few people. Oh, that's right, no one is real in a forum, you know, not real life people.
 
what about 'The Sycophant'?
(**please note a sycophant is not a psycotic elephant**)

I do find these weird diatribes and the amusing responses a guilty biscuit to digest. For those of you suffering under the iron fist of mjp, try reading Trotsky's

"An Appeal to the Toiling, Oppressed and Exhausted Peoples of bukowski.net"
 
This site has been archived and is no longer accepting new posts.
Top