Forum fauna: The Professor (1 Viewer)

mjp

Founding member
The Professor enters a forum and in his (it's always a him) first post alienates nearly every member by dismissing their interest in the subject of the forum. They do this in a few different ways, but primarily by claiming a vague interest in the subject while deriding anyone who is any more interested than they are. They address the forum users as if they are the subject of an anthropological study:

"I saw a Bukowski book lying on a table once, and decided to come here to see what all the fuss is about. I had a hearty chuckle at some of the more rancorous exchanges and plebeian discourse, and was aghast at the sheer volume of words spent on this so-called literary hero of yours. I must know more."​

In the predictable follow-up to such a first post, The Professor gets several chances to look further down his nose at everyone, chuckling and LOLing his way merrily along. You should be aware that he is making notes during all of this for his thesis on the stupefied, unwashed masses of the internet.

Look for other identifying signs, such as the casual mention of a month spent in Borneo observing mold species, or the summer he was a roadie for Canned Heat. The Professor drops these little clues in an offhanded bid to demonstrate his worldliness and superiority to you.

This is The Professor's only weakness, as one or more of his stories will clearly establish his age somewhere in the 55 to 65 range. You will at first be shocked that he was able to figure out how to use the internet, but The Professor is crafty. A much younger female companion (usually a student or intern he is fucking) taught him how to use Google while they were on a backpacking trip to a small island in the South Pacific. He could name the island, but he doesn't bother, as he's sure you've never heard of it.

The question is whether The Professor is an intentional troll or an accidental one. Perhaps surprisingly, he is an accidental troll. I know it is disturbing to think that there are people out there in the real meat-world who are condescending and pretentious as The Professor, but they live. They walk among us. You have probably never run into one in real life because they do not associate with the likes of you.

That is also why The Professor always fades away rather quickly. They really weren't interested in the subject, actual interaction with you makes him feel dirty, and the understandable response to their condescension only reinforces their pre-conceived notions of what they would find. With that in mind The Professor's brief, unpleasant stay in a forum can be seen as self-fulfilling prophesy, a circle that eventually closes on itself, and can be safely ignored.

If you choose not to ignore The Professor, you should respond to him only with sarcasm. The sarcasm will go over The Professor's head, as he does not understand or comprehend it, or any other non-standard linguistic tools used by the lower classes.
 
I'm 55 to 65 (you bitches)

I have met many of those professors in the real world. You will learn that if you look up to them with awe-or give them enough rope- they will trip over their own condescending bullshit.
Just ask them, "How did you get so smart?"
 
If you choose not to ignore The Professor, you should respond to him only with sarcasm. The sarcasm will go over The Professor's head, as he does not understand or comprehend it, or any other non-standard linguistic tools used by the lower classes.

if you use a SHIT load of smiley faces, they will understand that you are joking.
;);););););););););)
 

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