Hi Freaks (1 Viewer)

My name is Jim Rushton and I'm an alcoholic. It's almost 5am and I'm not asleep yet. Don't work early tomorrow at least. I'm really trying to quit the booze because I'm on paxil and it's just a bad mix. I came here to share a poem about Buk, but was told no poems here. Then some other guy said come over here and introduce myself so that's what I'm doing. Poetry is my favourite hobby. I only have one Bukowski book around these days. The Roominghouse Madrigals. I usually read it on the shitter these days because I've already read it many times and one poem is usually just long enough for me to get the business done. i love this book.
 

Bukfan

"The law is wrong; I am right"
Welcome, Jim! - The Roominghouse Madrigals has some good poems in it. Well, I guess the same could be said of all of Bukowski's poetry collections. I think you should read some of the other collections too...
 
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Gerard K H Love

Appreciate your friends
Hey Jim welcome. Good job coming in through the front door.

I thought Paxil was one of those don't ask don't tell kind of medications for social anxiety disorders. Well it's good stuff just be careful when you have to quit.

Keep reading and writing.
 
i'd be devouring his stuff if i had better access. i live in china though. have read quite a few of his other books, but there are so many. anyway it's daytime now. maybe i can sleep.
 

Ambreen

Sordide Sentimental
Hello and welcome here, Jim from China !

I will repeat you what I wrote to Peter from Mexico : Alcohol is not the solution.
Neither are medications !
 

Ambreen

Sordide Sentimental
I wouldn't say there is only one solution ; I rather think a lot of things can be salutary to overcome hard times. To each one his own. I don't class alcohol and medications among them in so far as they quickly become addictions and make the situation getting worse.
Don't worry, I'm not judging anybody, I'm just stating a fact : I've never heard of someone feeling better thanks to a high consumption of alcohol/medications.
 
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Hey Ambreen, I felt a lot better with a high consumption of alcohol when I couldn't see my child for one year, it certainly helped me ease my pain and not to go completely desperate. It was good to have a drinking pal and just listen to music all night long, us both acting like punk rock experts talking about the bands we've seen, records,etc.,talking bullshit till the morning light.
And for marijuana, I know a guy who calms down his hyperactivity by smoking 6-12 (when he has plenty of weed ) joints a day. This friend of mine is doing a radio show, including interviews,cuts, he does the whole job himself and he's a DJ also. No sign of paranoia or loosing sight on reality in his case.
I principally agree on your point, but there are exceptions to the rule. Sometimes the good friend you can rely on is the drug you take.
 

Bukfan

"The law is wrong; I am right"
I'm just stating a fact : I've never heard of someone feeling better thanks to a high consumption of alcohol/medications.

I'm sure those who consume alcohol/medications feel better while they use it. That's why they use it. Maybe it won't solve their problems, but they do feel better for the time being.
And if you suffer from a psycological disorder, medication is often the only answer to the problem...
 
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mjp

Founding member
I don't class alcohol and medications among them in so far as they quickly become addictions and make the situation getting worse.
I didn't know alcohol was now an addictive drug. Fascinating. Then it must also be true that everyone who smokes marijuana becomes a heroin or cocaine addict, like parents and governments have been trying to tell us for decades! NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE!
 
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Ambreen

Sordide Sentimental
I was basing myself on cases I've seen/I'm still seeing around me of people breaking up because abusing of alcohol/medications/psychologists, thinking it helped/helps us whereas it was/is all the contrary.

I didn't know alcohol was now an addictive drug. Fascinating.
Yes. As fascinating as your severe addiction to chick flicks.
 
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"It's the best way I know. Without drink I would have long ago cut my god-damned throat."
- "That's bullshit."
- "Nothing's bullshit that works. [...]
- "You're just hiding from reality."
- "Why not?"

(Ham on Rye, chpt. 55)
 

Ponder

"So fuck Doubleday Doran"
RIP
Don't worry, I'm not judging anybody, I'm just stating a fact : I've never heard of someone feeling better thanks to a high consumption of alcohol.
There is at least someone. It's Charles Bukowski.
Surprise!
 
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i've never been to AA. i don't think they have it here in China. but maybe i can use this site to help me resolve my abuse issues. more than a little ironic if a bukowski site would be able to do this. i take paxil for panic attacks. panic attacks are fucking insane. completely lose your ability to function. feel like you will die or go insane in the next moment. i usually get them the day after a night of heavy drinking. this is the thing though, as someone mentioned earlier in the thread, different strokes, right? marijuana relaxes some people, for me "paranoia" isn't strong enough a word. booze worked for buk. no doubt about it. some of his poems about drinking are so beautiful i just look at them amazed and wonder how it's possible to write that well.
 

Ponder

"So fuck Doubleday Doran"
RIP
Jim,

You're able to reduce panic attacks by
going to bed early and wake up early.

EVERY DAY.

It may be a boring advice, but it works.
 

Black Swan

Abord the Yorikke!
Hi Jim
welcome to buknet from China!
I am sure that you can find a lot to read here and online and get the feedback you need to hang in wherever you are.
If poetry helps, then keep reading.
 
that is boring advice. but good too, i'm sure. i usually finish work around 930-10pm and bed just seems too depressing. leonard cohen said something about refusing to sleep being the first rebellion. don't remember the exact words. main thing should be to quit drinking.

here's something i wrote several months back. it's not a poem so i hope the moderator lets it slide:


I tried to show my mom a video called "The Ordinary Madness of Charles
Bukowski". I thought Sean Penn might win her over, but she wouldn't get into it.
"Is this who you want to emulate?" she asked, "He wasn't happy."
No I don't want to emulate Bukowski. Maybe he was happy after he made it, but what people don't understand is this: It's not about agreeing with the man. It's about the blood he put on the page, the fire that still burns through his words.
I wish I could have explained that, and if I drink too much I never say Bukowski told me it's ok. What's right for one man may be wrong for another, and I don't think he had to take Paxil just to keep from freaking out.
Let me hammer the same nail.
I was telling my aunt about his reaction to a tour of the German countryside. It was so boring to him, all the:
"Green! Green! Green!"
Personally I love nature, and, coming from Canada, was fortunate enough to be exposed to it since birth, but I can still appreciate another man's feelings, especially when expressed so vividly. My aunt's dislike of cities wouldn't allow her to have a look through someone else's eyes.
Let's get back to the topic of happiness, which is tricky since I don't know what I'm going to say. I love my mom and my aunt and they've been alive that much longer than me.
Clive Holden once told me in an email:
"You're never going to be happy if you try what everybody else does. If you look around it clearly isn't working."
So where does that leave us?
My mom in Toronto looking after my adopted sister, my aunt in Mexico contemplating her return to India, where she wants to set up a school for poor kids, and me in my Bangalore hotel room, happy enough just to be putting this down.
 
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