what? you're kidding, right? no? jesus.

d gray

tried to do his best but could not
Founding member
that's how you castrate a great tune.

that topper headon was such a kickass drummer.
 

mjp

Founding member
For the past week I have been on the precipice. Staring down the long tunnel, toward the light, but ultimately cheating death. Walking through the fire and surviving. I stepped through freezing deep space and directly into the rotten nuclear core of the Sun and out the other side. On this journey I was forged with molten rock, nourished with lead soup, and infused with a greater knowledge of the truth and what is real and important.

My terrible roller coaster ride through hell has, perhaps inevitably, made me a much angrier man than I was previously. Because when you know the truth you cannot help but be angry. That's just how it is. If you know the truth, you know this. If you don't know the truth, hey baby, that's cool. Just do that little dance that makes mommy clap and then go to bed. The men are talking here.

As for THE NATIONAL, I have only this transcript of the creation of their "cover" of Clampdown. I obtained this through telekinesis, astral projection and time travel, which are also powers that I now have.

---

THE NATIONAL asshole #1: My full beard, animal print t-shirts, oversized 80s eyeglasses and super-tight jeans no longer provide a sufficient amount of irony. In fact, I feel completely un-ironic. And I've drunk 28 of these canned Pabst beers. Still nothing. I fear I am lost.

THE NATIONAL asshole #2: Perhaps we should record a new song. You could play an obscure instrument that you don't really know how to play. That might cheer you up.

THE NATIONAL asshole #1: I don't know.

THE NATIONAL asshole #3: I've been thinking, wouldn't it be super-ironic to take like an old punk rock song and do a totally sleepy version of it? Like an ironic Cowboy Junkie/Mazzy Starr on-the-edge-of-falling-asleep version...

THE NATIONAL asshole #2: Like sounding really sleepy like it's your first night in prison and some totally buff older inmate has you tied to the bunk with like dozens of shoelaces and he's taking you from behind over and over all night and OMG it feels so good that you just drift off happy? Like that?

THE NATIONAL asshole #3: Yes! Wait, prison? I don't know about that. But like sleep-fucking or drug induced date-rape, yes. Exactly. You know what I mean.

THE NATIONAL asshole #2: I do, I do. I was totally kidding about prison anyway. As if. And the lyrics should be whispered or moaned in a way that makes the listener almost nauseous. It should be the queerest, most dead-inside recording ever made, with the possible exception of the soundtracks to gay pedophilia pornography.

THE NATIONAL asshole #3: You mean like the Boy Scout Tapes #1 through #46 that play in a continuous loop on the tour bus?

THE NATIONAL asshole #2: Yes. Just like that. But it has to be a really macho song by a really macho band or it won't be ironic enough.

THE NATIONAL asshole #1: Well, I appreciate what you guys are doing, but I'm not sure it will work. Even though we moved to Brooklyn from Ohio, I still don't feel...I don't know...genuine. I am suffering a bout of malaise and ennui the likes of which I've never experienced.

THE NATIONAL assholes #2 & #3: That's why we need to do the song, silly!

THE NATIONAL asshole #1: (laughing) Okay, okay, you've convinced me. We can record it, but how will we ever convince anyone to write about it?

MAGNET MAGAZINE asshole: Hi guys! Did you read my recent article on how 8 bit music is so over?

---

And the rest, as they say, is stupid history. A stupid waste of electrons and human flesh. False, pre-meditated, cynical, stupid (did I say that already?) and ugly.

I piss nuclear rain on THE NATIONAL, MAGNET MAGAZINE and Obama. And that singer from 10,000 Maniacs.

I have returned.
 

d gray

tried to do his best but could not
Founding member
For the past week I have been on the precipice. Staring down the long tunnel, toward the light, but ultimately cheating death. Walking through the fire and surviving. I stepped through freezing deep space and directly into the rotten nuclear core of the Sun and out the other side. On this journey I was forged with molten rock, nourished with lead soup, and infused with a greater knowledge of the truth and what is real and important.

i figured it was something like that...welcome back.

nice tan btw
 
Dang! I just posted a video by The National in the "What are you listening to" thread.

Didn't realize they covered Clampdown. Just checked it out. It's not very good. But they do a pretty good cover of Springsteen's My Father's House and Velvet Underground's What goes on.
 
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