For sure, I believe that Bukowski wanted a "hit." Of course, he wrote as a form of self therapy. But, I think of him as similar to comedians who often work from a place of pain also.
They need recognition, they need an audience. So did he! He sent out his work for publication for a reason. He too needed, and later on, relished in having a fan base, in spite of all his protestations. And, with Women, well, who wouldn't want to read that one! That was his venture into the National Enquirer of fine literature....steamy, sexual, often times mean. (I'm ducking, I'm ducking!)
Mystery, the more I think about it, I think he might have been very intimidated by your prettiness. That might explain some of his behavior during the visit. Deep in his heart, he wanted to date a prom queen. He wanted to be popular. Those things that were so missing from his youth. Then, when face to face with such a person, he might have been scared.
Afterwards, just like an adolescent, he had to "get back" with crude locker room remarks. I don't know if that helps, but that's my woman to woman feeling!
As for me, believe me, he was never threatened! Our story was a 'like' story, not a love story. What could he do with a young woman who insisted on wearing her favorite flannel nightgown each night! I said to him, "Look, I told you I didn't want to visit. Now I'm in your territory, you have the upper hand, and I'm scared. I need this nightgown!" He kept inviting me down, kept inviting me down, until finally he said, "Look, you're beginning to sound like Lenny Bruce, ..I can't come, I can't come...I think you're afraid!" Of course, that challenge got me down there! Anyway, he continued to write me also, UNTIL Women came out.
He knew he would be in trouble. He was not innocent, you guys!