Excerpt from BAD NIGHT
"What kind of girl do you want?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, we got fat, thin, mature, young, sane, crazy, oriental, black,
white, red, yellow, you name it. We got a girl with one leg
if that's what you desire. What do you want?"
"Just send me the most beautiful one."
"Yeah? Well, that's easy. That's Carmen."
"All right. Send Carmen."
The man took down the location of Monty's apartment.
"O.K.," he said, "Carmen's on the way..."
Somehow the situation made Monty nervous. He should have gone to
the baseball game. Or maybe there was a Woody Allen movie playing.
Woody always had trouble with his women. But all his women were
beautiful and intelligent and they always had time for long walks in the
park and things like that. And Woody always had a nice paying job and
when there was trouble with one beautiful and intelligent woman he just
went to the phone and phoned up another beautiful and intelligent woman.
Millions of men wished they had Woody Allen's troubles with women.
It didn't seem any time at all before there was a knock on Monty's door.
He opened it. A short heavy-set woman dressed in black and wearing flatheeled
shoes stood there. Her hair was clipped short and she didn't wear
makeup. She looked like a jailer in a women's prison. An easy brutality
rested on her face like a second skin.
"Hi! I'm Carmen! Dream Girl Delivery Service."