bukowski.net fan mail (1 Viewer)

[bright]

"Yesterday my friends and I were hanging around the poetry section at barnes and noble, and i think it was fate the second I randomly pulled one of your poetry books out. "You Get So Alone at Times That It Just Makes Sense." After reading some of it and some from your website, I am going back today to buy the book. I reallyyy enjoy your poetry.

Dear Mr.Bukowski..."


oh man,thats priceless, some of them seem to think you are hank...

 

[Bukfan]

Strange they have'nt asked for autographs...:D

 

[hank solo]

ooh, i'd like one if you've enough ink in those pens of yours mr blogkowski :D

 

[Ponder]

Chinaski! Piss on you! You were once a great writer!
Now you suck! You've sold out! My grandmother writes bet-
ter shit than you do! You've had your head up your asshole
too long! I sent my stuff to your publisher and he sent back
a letter. He said "Thank you for submitting but we are
overstocked." The prick, I'll overstock his butthole! He gob-
bles shit for breakfast!
The great poets are ignored. They are afraid of the great
poets! You were once a great poet but now you are only a
band-aid covering a pus-hole! You gobble your own weenie
under a sky of vomit! You've sold your balls to the butcher!
You've killed the baby of your love! You are monkey stink!
Forever and ever and ever!
I enclose some of my last work . . .

Hollywood, p.56

I love you Mr. Mjpkowski !

 

[mjp]

Sounds like that could have been written by one of the forum members here... :rolleyes:

 

[mjp]

oh man,thats priceless, some of them seem to think you are hank...

What's really funny is a newer version of any of his books you would pick up in a Barnes and Noble probably has the year of his death on the author page, where the picture of Bukowski usually appears. If the new books still have that page.

But that's a pretty common mistake, actually. Someone sends one of those "I love your work" emails every few weeks. I used to break the news to them, but a few replied back how stupid that made them feel, so now I just let them go on believing he's still out there typing. Which is probably better for them anyway. I kind of wish I thought he was still out there typing...

 

[hoochmonkey9]

I remember when I found out about 2 years after his death. I was heartbroken. like a relative passed. I found out on the bio page of whatever was the latest book I bought at that time.

 

[roni]

Someone sends one of those "I love your work" emails every few weeks. I used to break the news to them, but a few replied back how stupid that made them feel, so now I just let them go on believing he's still out there typing. Which is probably better for them anyway.

You are NOT the great writer Charles Bukowski? Hell, I feel cheated!

(o.k. fun aside: I think you should go on telling these people. Sure, they might feel a little foolish first - but how might they feel when finding out about Bukowski's death in some years? Better? Sure, not. You could prepare something like a standard-answer to these kinds of mails, so you only have to copy/past which isn't too much work. We shouldn't look down at people who are not as informed as we are. Besides, even we are at very different levels also.
As always I can only speak for me: I'm always happy, when someone well informed gives me any news. Everyone of us started as a baby with no knowledge at all and all of us were dependent on information we get from others.)

 

[mjp]

More great fan mail! He's upset about this page. Oh, I didn't add the ellipses...that's the way he begins everything he writes. I looked him up. Ha.

From Mace Price <[email protected]>
...Yeah I know the drill; better than you. But why do you wanna be so exclusive towards those don't? Especially with the above brief impersonation of "Style." I know it's hard, but try and relax. You aren't Bukowski, just like he wasn't Celine and in case you haven't noticed; Literature's a dead letter these days anyway. You can't exist in the past, and no man has ever achieved significance in aping another's.

 

[bospress.net]

From Mace Price <[email protected]>

...You were Maced, I guess....

 

[Father Luke]

keep 'em coming mjp.
keep 'em coming.

there will be more.
there's always more.

 

[mjp]

...You were Maced, I guess....

Ha! Well, I've been Maced again!

I sent this snarky, poking-the-gorilla-with-a-stick, response to his email, to see if I could get him to fling more shit through the bars of his cage:

---

You're telling me to relax, but you're writing long complaints about a form. I really doubt that you can see the humor in that - or anything else - but I can. And yes, I'm sure you know the drill and everything else in the world better than I do. After all, you're the genius complaining about a form.

There's nothing "exclusive" about not wanting to answer the same half dozen questions ten times a day (I assume your original question fell into one of those categories, and that's why you are so angry and pissy). If you don't like the form, you're always free to go fuck yourself, drop dead, suck Scott Horton's dick [Scott Horton writes some sort of Ron Paul cult blog where Mace seems to be his biggest fan and commenter - a little bit of reading there confirmed that Mr. Mace is a indeed the pompous windbag his email made him out to be], eat a bug - those kinds of things. You know the drill. If that's not your style, maybe you should write another complaint about the contact form at bukowski.net.

Send it via the form.

Sincerely, your pal,

mjp

---

And quite predictably, he replied:


From Mace Price <[email protected]>
3:46 am

...Nah, you flatter yourself...truth is I was just surfing the web...had and have no intentions of submitting any "Literature" becoming part of any forums, on line discussion groups, or Bukowski worship with you as a self styled Ordained Minister and Disciple to trans substantiate innermost meanings, etc., etc., Also---I'm not your pal, 4 lines hardly constitutes a long complaint in accessing your personality and status.

More important: Never make the error of talking that way to me that way again, about my friend Scott Horton that way again, nor contact me unsolicited again...With the purile mouth you got; it'd be a very bad move. I hope you understand me. No mas.

---MCP


Then an hour and a half later - apparently still thinking about how much he loves me - this ominous follow-up:


From Mace Price <[email protected]>
5:21 AM

...You shouldn't have sent me that e-mail...Don't send me any more.


Now whatever could that mean? Not only have I been Maced, I've been threatened! I think I'm going to pee my pants!

 

[Father Luke]

keep 'em coming.

uh?
a net zero account?

mjp, you'd best be careful.

 

[mjp]

Yeah, all the Libertarians use NetZero. Don't you know all the other ISPs are closely monitored by the guvvamint?!

Though he should really have an account at NetKook.com...

 

[Ninjerk]

This can only get better.

 

[Bukfan]

Jezuz! You sure get some interesting mails, mjp...

 

[mjp]

I know I shouldn't, but -


---


On Dec 10, 2007 5:21 AM, Mace Price <[email protected]> wrote:

...You shouldn't have sent me that e-mail...Don't send me any more.



Funny, that's exactly what I was going to say to you. I was also going to mention that should stop whining. You sound like a homely high school girl who didn't get a date to the prom, and sat home sobbing all night, plotting your sad revenge on a world that has let you down.

Now I have to get back to mocking you on the Bukowski forum. Stop interrupting me with your nonsense.

I demand that you do not contact me further!

Sincerely, your pal,

mjp



On Dec 10, 2007 6:05 PM, Mace Price <[email protected]> wrote:

...Last fuckin' time I'm gonna tell ya.



Dear Maceo,

I told you I did not want to receive any more email from you. Why are you sending this? Are you threatening me?

Sincerely, your pal,

mjp


---


Now I wonder what's going to happen. I've been warned for the "last fuckin' time," so I'm a little worried...I've never been threatened by a net bully before! Um hm.

I'll never understand this type. At least when I used to send pissy emails to site owners (hey, it was a long time ago, I have changed my ways) I took it in stride when I got a pissy response. I mean, I was the one who started it. But this guy has special rules in his head that only apply to him I guess. He can - what do the kids say? - Oh yeah; he can dish it out but he can't take it!

Honestly, if you tell me not to respond to you, and that bad things will happen if I do, I kind of have to respond. It's a character flaw, I understand, but I am helpless against it. Plus I really want to know what he's going to do. Maybe he's going to come and beat me up or something? ;)

Where's Mickey Rourke when I need him?

 

[jordan]

man, i wish i found this thread in a couple days, since the suspense is killing me.

also, check out the guy on the ron paul blog that makes gay references to mace every time he posts. it's hilarious- he says that his lips are "so kissable."

 

[Bukfan]

What a smart guy this Mace character is. To make threads - in writing? How very intelligent of him!
Maybe we should all send him a mail. I mean, just to keep him occupied with making threads, since he loves it so much...:D

 

[mjp]

also, check out the guy on the ron paul blog that makes gay references to mace every time he posts. it's hilarious- he says that his lips are "so kissable."

See, now that's just wrong. I would like to go on record saying that I do not in any way condone such childish and ridiculous actions!