HV,
I can understand your family being not pleased with the forum, and I can understand your (possibly unconscious) anger. Families do not like having negative publicity about one of their members. I think they all feel shamed by whatever comes out. I've seen it with other subjects besides Barbara Frye. I went to a reading where an author (Linda Crew) discussed a new book she had just published, a historical novel about a religious cult in Oregon circa 1900, and three family members of one of the main characters, a young woman seduced by the cult leader, showed up. They were hopping mad, shaking with rage, and they apparently had not read the book, nor did they want to -- they were angry that more publicity had come out on the hundred year old case involving their ancestor. They ripped into Crew, and she handled it well. Basically, they didn't want her or anyone writing anything about their ancestor. I myself am doing research on a literary figure from 100 years ago and have seen how much anger and suspicion remains in her family, her descendents. They are still seething about the negative publicity surrounding her, as are many people in her home town. Perhaps what is troubling to your family is the connection with Bukowski, and not that Barbara Frye was an author in her own right. He's a controversial figure, unconventional, and that might be the source of discomfort. Anyway, glad you are working through this as you are.
Who are we? I'm a published poet and short story writer, have an MA in English.