THIS IS NOT A TEST (5 Viewers)

If I had a hammer

https://thisisnotatest.com/if-i-had-a-hammer/

I come fully prepared to talk about supper clubs, The Hat Pack, the futility of it all, professional locksmiths, unprofessional landlords, professional "contractors," ladders, distinctive tape measures, flashlights and sticky fingers, flying buttresses, Appalachia, apes painting window trim, you and your stereo and how great you are, whether or not it's socially acceptable to call someone a mental case, red plastic shopping bags, what a $250,000 house in Los Angeles looks like, shoes dropping, best case scenarios, water water everywhere, Puerto Rico, Dominica, and what the hell is a U.S. territory anyway?


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Great podcast. I listened while shopping in Target and it had me laughing my ass off. People were staring for good reason this time. You gotta watch out for those ladder weilding fuckers named Dave who try to fix things. I have been known to weild a ladder but have never stolen a tape measure. I have on occasion pretended to be able to fix something but not in someone else's home.
 
A restless wind inside a letter box

https://thisisnotatest.com/a-restless-wind-inside-a-letter-box/

Getting an email from Gene Simmons, why young boys must rock, spending fifty thousand dollars on a collection of outtakes, getting onto a cruise ship with really old rock stars, spending $250 on a collection that is basically The Beatles dicking around while being filmed, Ektachrome 500, the miracle of HAP (again), metadata, When The Saints Go Marching In, tediously listing things like some kind of idiot, Beatle harmonies, the Wailers, little record stores in little lake towns, and a few thousand other words or debatable wisdom.


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The Gene Simmons shit is incredible :D ... wasn't aware and at first thought this MUST BE satire, but nope: http://www.genesimmonsvault.com

What. in. the. Fuck.

Probably the result of finally having been peer pressured to get married after decades of resistance. That's what marriage does to a man. You know you'll need the money :D
 
Songs that don't even make it on a KISS record? "Ouch!"
Listened to most of it at lunch. Bravo (said in my most British of voices).
 
This episode won't be released until next Saturday, but since it's Bukowski-themed, I thought I'd let you have it early, here in this special and sacred space that we share together.

A Trip to Bukowski’s House

https://thisisnotatest.com/a-trip-to-bukowskis-house/

Over the river and through the woods, to Bukowski's house we go. This is just me talking about what it was like there, and how I wound up there. It's a brief tale that I thought you'd like to hear. But don't let it inspire you to go to Bukowski's house uninvited. That wouldn't be cool. Don't be that person. In California you can shoot someone through your front door and never see the inside of a police station for doing it, keep that in mind as you go about your day. It's probably a good thing to keep in mind in general, as a rule for a happy life.



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Yeah. Couldn't listen to the audio from where I was.

I mean it, tho. It's touching to hear about the condition of Bukowskis writing room, even after all this years. Also great to hear that Linda and mjp buried the beef they had, tho it appears to have been a misunderstanding from the beginning.

Thanks for sharing!
 
Thanks mjp. That was really exceptional & told so well. And you were respectful. Glad to hear there's no nonsense between you & Linda too.
 
That was one great podcast, mjp! Probably one of your best, from a Buk nut point of view. Glad to hear you hit it off with Linda B. and that you had a great time in the house, you lucky son of a gun.
 
and I think not wanting to set foot in the house or not wanting to go up to the writing room [...] just stupid. Stubborn, too cool. I was denying basic human desire and curiosity, and that thing we all have of wanting to be close.
That'll teach ya to understand the fans that are wanting to visit all the places in L.A. where he's been. (yeah, sure, I know, the whole area there has changed, but still...)

and out on the little balcony that overlooks the harbor. It was dark and you could see the line of cars on the 110 freeway
yeah, that's been a strong impression to me too. This endless, thick line of lights from the cars, like a big worm or a slow snake. I could imagine Hank standing there on that balcony and watching.
 
That'll teach ya to understand the fans that are wanting to visit all the places in L.A. where he's been.
Oh, I understand that. I went to Paisley Park in October, and I'm glad I did that. Even as a tourist.

As opposed to what I felt at Bukowski's house, I did feel the Prince ghost everywhere in Paisley Park. Maybe not surprising as his ashes are there. It's one of the first things they show you when you walk in. "Look up there, those are Prince's ashes."

I would have liked to go into the control room in the main studio, we only got to see it from the other side of the glass. But like Bukowski's typewriter, the battered old Hohner telecaster guitar was there, all those fruity swirly, curly-cue guitars, pages of his hand-written notes and lyrics. His clothes. Lots of his fruity, swirly, curly-cue clothes.

Just no Prince. Unless you count the ashes, which - well I don't think they could lay down a proper bass part, so I say they don't count.

I should have talked about Paisley Park a little bit in this "Bukowski's house" episode, but what can you do. The mind wanders. Especially at my age.
 
But like Bukowski's typewriter
Lucky you. The only time I've been in that room, there was a lot missing, since the Huntington-exhibition was just running.
No typer there or the radio or the wine-glass with dryed-in stains from him - they've all been at the exhibition. Of course I did see them there. But it cut something from the athmosphere in his room, I guess.
Still, What an experience!

Just no Prince. Unless you count the ashes,
I know EXACTLY what you talk about here (at least I think I do). And I don't mean Prince or Bukowski, but a very different thing. A feeling. A strange mixture of presence And absence of a beloved person or a situation or a memory. Or an immortal poet.
 
yeah, that's been a strong impression to me too. This endless, thick line of lights from the cars, like a big worm or a slow snake. I could imagine Hank standing there on that balcony and watching.
reading storm and thought of Roni's lines
and Jan's life too

from congrats, Chinaski...

I have piled myself with a mass of
grand abuse, been
careless toward myself
almost to the point of
madness,
I am still here
leaning toward this machine
in this smoke-filled room,
this large blue trashcan to my
left
full of empty
containers.
the doctors have no answers
and the gods are
silent.

congratulations, death,
on your patience.
I have helped you all that
I can.

now one more poem
and a walk out on the balcony,
such a fine night there

I am dressed in shorts and stockings,
gently scratch my old
belly,
look out there
where dark meets dark

it's been on hell of a crazy
ball game.

C.B.
 
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Walk through Paisley Park, and keep on movin'

https://thisisnotatest.com/walk-through-paisley-park-and-keep-on-movin/

This episode is two days late for reasons which may reveal themselves when you listen. And who wouldn't want to listen to a scintillating discussion about deviled ham, touring Prince's home and recording studio Paisley Park - a cotton candy Barbie dream condo if ever there was one, landlords, looking for a new job, minimalism, money, security as a trap, pots and pans and music, and remaining civilized.


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Remaining civilized?! Hmmm. Novel concept. What's mjp's take? I'm compelled to listen. I'm investigating every opinion & theory on the matter because I'm slowing losing my ability to remain civilized.
 
don't envy you on the move thing. HATED moving, even though i barely owned anything til i got married (and had a kid).

re accumulating shit - we got so fed up last year we rented a dumpster and FILLED the fucking thing with crap.

after they took it away the company mysteriously disappeared and we lost our deposit.
 
You can make a statement, but keep it brief

https://thisisnotatest.com/can-make-statement-keep-brief/

Oh Canada, the San Gabriel Valley, LSD, white bread, the Oscar race (pretty sure he's white - har har), the wonderful and marvelous (and now dead) Joe Frank, the proximity effect, Craigslist again because apparently I'm a masochist, and last but not least on this abbreviated episode for an abbreviated month: how I became a Bitcoin millionaire!


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What could possibly go wrong?

https://thisisnotatest.com/what-could-possibly-go-wrong/

This one may sound a little weird because it's the first episode recorded in the new studio (a.k.a. the spare bedroom of the house we just moved in to). Try to ignore the echo and instead just revel in the hilarity of bronchitis, 768 Kbps Internet, rain on cardboard boxes, hustlers and con artists, Sylvester Stallone and Ariana Grande, landlines, landlords, lunatics, putting an 'i' or an 'e' in front of every name or service in the 90s, Pringles, silence, power outages, gorillas, roller coasters and getting fired from your job.


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I hate moving (even more than losing a job) and you got me squirming there with your story, but this part is so funny:

Feel free to laugh at my misfortune, because we’re friends, and, hey, I’d laugh too. If we can’t take joy in someone slipping on a banana peel – which is about the only thing that didn’t happen in the last few weeks – then what are we? What have we become? Animals?


I also admire your spirit for this:
If you can’t laugh in the face of never ending problems, you’re in trouble.
Well said.

This is a great episode of This Is Not A Test (all good writing comes from misfortune, no?).

I hope you'll find a new job soon. Or win the lottery.
 
“That Michael, he’s mostly gorilla.”

- Landlord in 2018 :D

Jesus, what a tour de force. Sorry to hear about the job loss. All the best, man!
 
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Here are the 3 most stressful situations for anyone: losing a loved one, losing your job and moving. You got 2 out of 3! Good luck on finding a good new job!
I must admit that I laughed more than once, listening to your misfortune.
 
Aw man. That sucks about your job. Damn. Good luck. Good luck? Is that the same as thoughts & prayers? Anywho... mega-bits & k's & gigga-bits, charm offensives & hugs, whig flippin', nails in coffins, and accelerated timelines.... and yes, I am still picking up what you are throwing down.
 
And on top of all that shit, we lose our beloved ChirpWatch®™© as well?! Ugh -- it's all a big kick in the plums.

I hope everything is coming up MJP sooner rather than later.
 

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