Stephen Baldwin found Jesus. Apparently no one will hire him as he cannot stop himself from evangelizing to all the other co-stars, cast, crew, etc.
Hollywood will forgive anything if someone can make them money. All the Scientologists proselytize, but they still hire Tom Cruise (he and his vacant-stare wife would often set up a table
on the set of War of the Worlds
to hand out Scientology crap). They don't hire Stephen Baldwin because no one cares about him.
If you get tired of clicking Charlie's head, here are all the quotes from that site. Epic, dude:
"A lot of people think Major League's called Wild Thing. As they should."
"Add some gold."
"Apocalypse Now will teach you how to live inside of a moment between a moment."
"Basically they strapped on their diapers."
"Biggest star in the world."
"Bi-polar? The Earth is bi-polar."
"Bring me a challenge. Somebody."
"Can I have one part of my life that isn't TMZ'd up the butt?"
"Can't is the cancer of happen."
"Celebrate this movement."
"Change the channel. I dare you."
"Change your brain."
"Clearly he didn't bring gum for everyone."
"Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words."
"C'mon. The guy wears corduroys."
"Come on bro, I won best picture at 20."
"Damn, I didn't take care of myself. Again."
"Don't live in the middle."
"Drug tests don't lie."
"Dying is for fools. Amateurs."
"Everybody has a black belt and carries a gun. I don't mess with people."
"Everything. Next question."
"Faith is for winners. Hope is for losers."
"Get a job, anyone?"
"Get back in the game dude."
"Get over here and enjoy the ride, bro. We're starting to win."
"Get the cancer out of the mix."
"Gnarly you are not."
"Go back to the troll hole where you came from."
"Good luck on your travels. You're going to need it. Badly."
"Got to dismiss these clowns."
"He has no salt in his soul."
"Here's your cold coffee. Buh-bye."
"Here's your first pee test. The next one goes in your mouth. No, you won't get high."
"Hey kids. Your Dad's a rockstar."
"I am battle-tested bayonets bro."
"I am grandiose. Because I live a grandiose life."
"I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen."
"I am special, and I will never be one of you."
"I can't make up a hernia. That's just lame."
"I closed my eyes and in a nanosecond I cured myself."
"I dare you to keep up with me."
"I don't have burnout in my gear box."
"I don't know, winning, anyone? Rhymes with winning? Anyone? Yeah, that would be us."
"I don't live in the middle anymore. That's where you get embarrassed in front of the prom queen."
"I don't sleep. I wait."
"I don't think people are ready for the message I'm delivering."
"I don't understand what I did wrong except live a life that everyone is jealous of."
"I embarrassed him in front of his children and the world."
"I exposed people to magic."
"I guess I'm just that goddamn bitchin'."
"I have a 10,000-year-old brain and the boogers of a seven-year-old."
"I have a different constitution."
"I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my brain."
"I have one speed. I have one gear. Go."
"I have real fame. They have nothing."
"I honorably pass that torch to these young geniuses."
"I just want to hug him and rub his head."
"I literally woke up and it was Christmas."
"I look at the game of baseball and I'm reminded of a quote that I wrote."
"I may forget about them tomorrow, but they'll live with that memory for the rest of their lives. And that's a gift."
"I take great umbrage with that."
"I use a blender. I use a vacuum cleaner."
"I wanted to watch Jaws on the ocean in the dark and be afraid."
"I was banging seven gram rocks and finishing them. Because that's how I roll."
"If people could just read behind the hieroglyphic."
"If you can bring me a souvenir from that moment when your father locked you in the closet, then bring it to me."
"If you're a part of my family, I will love you violently."
"I'm 45, I've got five kids, and I've been dumped on for too long."
"I'm a grandiose life, and I'm embracing it."
"I'm a peaceful man with bad intentions."
"I'm alive. Bring it."
"I'm an exciting client."
"I'm an F-18 bro."
"I'm bi-winning. I win here, and I win there."
"I'm done. It's on. Bring it."
"I'm going to hang out with these two smoooooking hotties and fly privately around the world."
"I'm going to win every moment."
"I'm just giving them what I guess they want, I just don't know if they can handle it. Pussies."
"I'm just going to sail across the winds of the universe with my goddesses."
"I'm living inside the truth. And the truth doesn't change."
"I'm not recovering like some pussy."
"I'm not taking it. I had to pay for it."
"I'm not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy."
"I'm not 'aw shucks'. Because I'm gnarly."
"I'm on a quest to claim absolute victory on every front."
"I'm rolling out magic, bro."
"I'm so tired of pretending my life isn't perfect and bitchin'."
"I'm still alive, which is pretty cool."
"I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total, bitchin' rock star from Mars."
"Imagine what I would have done with my fire-breathing fists."
"It might be lonely up here but I sure like the view."
"It was so gnarly I can't remember."
"It's a three-letter word. It rhymes with why."
"It's a war. And it's on."
"It's about winning. Sorry."
"It's been a tsunami. And I've been riding it on a mercury surfboard."
"It's funny how sheep rhymes with sleep."
"I've been a veteran of the unspeakable."
"I've been blessed with a new brain."
"I've got magic. I've got poetry at my fingertips."
"I've got tiger blood and Adonis DNA,"
"I've spent close to the last decade effortlessly and magically converting your tin cans into pure gold."
"Just sit back and enjoy the show."
"Let's hook up and just bring fiery death."
"Let's talk about something exciting. Me."
"Look at these sad trolls."
"Mistook this rockstar, bro."
"Most of the time - and this includes naps - I'm an F-18."
"My conduct is bitchin'."
"My success rate is 100 percent. Do the math."
"Of course you're gnarly. You're talking to me."
"One of my favorite poets is Eminem."
"Park your nonsense."
"People can't figure me out. They can't process me. I don't expect them to."
"Pure and complete gnarly-isms."
"Quit hiding dude. It's embarrassing. Next subject."
"Really dude? Really?"
"Resentments are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my sabre."
"Rock bottom? That's a fishing term."
"She was attacking me with a small fork."
"Shut up. Stop. Move forward."
"Sorry man, didn't make the rules."
"Sorry Middle America."
"Sorry my life is so much more bitchin' than yours. I planned it that way."
"Surprise. That's what winners do."
"That just flew out. That was a pretty good one."
"That was the America I was raised in."
"That's the code. And we all live by it."
"The first one's free. The next one goes in your mouth."
"The last time I used? What do you mean? I used my toaster this morning."
"The only thing I'm addicted to right now is winning."
"The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger and Richards look like droopy-eyed armless children."
"The scoreboard doesn't lie. Never has."
"The wildfires are spreading. The meek are scattering."
"There are parts of me that are Dennis Hopper."
"There's a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins."
"There's my life. Deal with it. Oh, wait, can't process it? LOSERS."
"They can't hang with me. Their bones would melt like wax."
"They couldn't extinguish my pilot light. And that was a mistake."
"They hate themselves first."
"They picked a fight with a warlock."
"This contaminated little maggot can't handle my power."
"This guy's got more notches on his belt than Black Bart."
"This is me not on drugs bro."
"Thought you were messing with one dude? Sorry."
"Touch my children and I will eat your hands off your arms."
"Watch me bury you."
"We need his wisdom and his bitchin'-ness."
"We work for the pope."
"We're on a rocket ship to the moon some nights."
"We're shaking the tree. We're shaking all the trees."
"We're Vatican assassins. How complicated can it be?"
"What was she doing with a shrimp fork in her purse?"
"What's not to love?"
"What's the cure? Medicine?"
"When I'm fighting a war there's no room for sensitivity."
"Where there were four, there are now three."
"Who wants to deal with all the small talk?"
"Why give an interview when you can leave a warning?"
"Women are not to be hit. They are to be hugged and caressed."
"Work fuels the soul."
"Wow. That's epic."
"Wow. What does that mean."
"You borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like 'Dude, can't handle it. Unplug this bastard.'"
"You can't process me with a normal brain."
"You should have read the directions before you showed up at the party."
"Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body."
"Your perimeter's been breached. You got work to do bro."
"You've been given magic. You've been given gold."
"You've been warned dude. Bring it."