A translation to English from the original Needledickian:
You little girls blow my mind.
I am very unhappy with you fellows and so am calling you "little girls" in order to express my frustration and disdain for you.
JESUS, I just tryed to SELL some shit. NO sense of humour.
Dear God in heaven, I merely came here to try to dispose of some of my worthless magazines and try to earn some money at the same time. I think I am really very funny and clever but you fellows don't seem to see that.
When I dug Bukowski I was living in LA 17-years-old
When I was 17 and living in Los Angeles (before I wasted the rest of my life) I enjoyed reading Bukowski.
... and we would call him on the phone(the # he had in some poem) and when you would get HIM fucking great shit like 'yeah baby where's your bitch' blah blah.
My friends (oh dear god how I miss having friends) and I would interupt our thrice daily circle-jerk to call him at the phone number he had used as a title for one of his poems and he would actually answer and say amusing (and pithy) things such as "Yeah baby, where's your bitch?" and such. My teenaged friends and I would just giggle like little schoolgirls out of sheer delight, I tell you.
BUT as my friend Jack Micheline told me once: 'Bukowski needs love' and right, I sez WHAT? Love is for fools FUCK but but it was like love will kill you.
But as Jack Micheline, a moderately well-known poet whose name I drop at every opportunity, once told me, "Bukowski needs love." I responded "What?" and out of pure teenaged angstiness continued, "Love is for fools and it will kill you." It's still not clear, even to me, exactly what I meant by that. Just my lack of maturity talking I suppose.
And Jack was ALL love we're ALL gonna make it.
Jack was an overly optimistic hippie.
AND so fucking what so I write THEE POEMS my WHOLE life.
All I've done with my life since the good old days when I was seventeen years old has been to write three poems.
So go back to your day job man, I ain't no punk and I love you all's spirit but fuck you anyway.
So, young gentlemen, my message to you is this: do not waste your life as I have. Work hard and make something of yourselves. I like that you are a spirited bunch but I still view you as inferior to me, the great poet who has written three poems.
AND PS you know all you nippledick blah blah PUNKS I was 19 when I did those 'The Chas. Answers 10 Easy Questions' FUCK YOU.
And to you who have made fun of my name, you should know that the pinnacle of my life was when I managed to beg Bukowski to let me publish something with his name on it, gosh darn you.
Go try and blow yourself. It didn't work the first time. AND OF COURSE fuck you all.
By the way, my penis is very small and I have never been able to get my mouth around it. Can any of you? Please send pictures, gosh darn you all.